It’s been quite some time since I’ve posted on here (as I usually go through periods of just not wanting to write) but some big things have been going on, and I felt it was time to do an update.
We are 5 days away from my little girl hitting 11 months. It has absolutely astonished me at how quickly this time has gone by. We went from a helpless little baby, who would just lie there, not being able to move in any way, unable to pick things up, completely reliant on her parents for everything, to a toddler that can crawl, stand and walk with a little assistance, pick up her own food and feed herself, and even starting to form words, and it all happened in the blink of an eye.
I’ve been there every step of the way, and I still scratch my head wondering how and when it all happened. I still find it hard to believe that I’m actually a father, but to realize that I had a healthy hand in getting her to this point in her life… I’m still amazed that I didn’t kill her during the first week I was alone with her. She seems healthy, happy, energetic, and sweet beyond words.
I know there’s still a lot more to go, but I really do have to take a minute to step back, take a look, and give myself some kudos for taking care of my little girl. I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, but it does mean something to me that I went from being completely inexperienced at handling children, to regularly feeding, cleaning, clothing, and entertaining my daughter, and have her come out through all of it quite healthy.
There are still many challenges ahead, and there are still times (plenty of times at that) where I question whether or not I’ll be able to meet those challenges, but up until now, I’ve done alright. I may not be the best dad in the world, since I know I get wrapped up in my own stuff sometimes, to the point of annoyance for my wife and probably even my daughter now and then, but I’m fortunate that my little girl still seems to like me, where she’ll cling to me if she doesn’t see me for a little bit.
That being said, I’m looking forward to her first birthday. I want to do something special for her, even if she doesn’t really remember it when she’s older. Unfortunately, I kind of suck at that kind of thing, so I really don’t know what to do. I hope it comes to me though, because I really would like to make her as happy as she’s made me. It may not seem like it most of the time, but I am actually very happy since she’s been in my life, my depression notwithstanding. It’s a constant battle between those two feelings, and she’s the main reason the depression doesn’t have a permanent hold on me.
Well, I’ll try to update more often, as I haven’t gone into any real detail for some time. Her development will be picking up again soon, and I look forward to being there with her, every step of the way.