So this is how my Thursday started this past week:
*Knocking in the rhythm of “Shave and a haircut, two bits”
Answering groggily at the door: “Hey… what’s up?”
My neighbor: “Oh hey. Your wife wanted me to wake you up because she says she wants to talk to you. She has to sign papers at 11 for an emergency c-section and she wants you there.”
Me: “Ok… wait, WHAT?!”
Needless to say, that woke me up in a HURRY. Just for clarity’s sake, my wife is at the hospital, she has internet on her phone, she was talking to my neighbor via Skype, and I don’t have a phone that works. This led to this particular wake up call. Also, my neighbor had thought that I had known about this previously, which I didn’t, so she believed she was just informing me of prior knowledge, not nonchalantly telling me that my wife was about to have her belly sliced open and the baby removed.
After frantically signing onto Skype to talk to my wife, I learned that it was not indeed a request to do surgery that day. Instead, it was a consent form just in case something happens, and she is otherwise too preoccupied to give her permission to do the procedure. For anyone who knows my wife, she wants nothing to do with a c-section whatsoever. She wants this baby to be born naturally, no drugs, no medical intervention, no anything outside of the natural process. Knowing that, her signing this paper was a direct acknowledgement of the fact that she may not be able to see it through how she wanted it.
The last few weeks have been a big fight with the doctors to make sure they know that the ONLY circumstance where a c-section may be administered is if either the baby’s life or my wife’s life is in danger. There will be no surgery for convenience, or lame excuses so that life is easier for the doctor. One of the doctors in particular has been somewhat glib about the whole c-section procedure, and that sort of attitude can set my wife off in a minute, not to mention my reaction. I don’t want anything stressing my wife now, as she is in a very delicate situation. Stress will only serve to make the situation more unbearable, so as it is right now, the only thing she needs is rest, relaxation, and some peace and quiet.
However, this whole debate has got me thinking. While most people believe that c-sections are pretty run of the mill nowadays, it is still a major surgery. There can be complications that arise mid-surgery that could threaten the mother’s life, or the baby’s. Knowing that, and knowing how much of a pessimist/worrywart I can be, it hit me that there’s the possibility that I could lose either my wife or my child. Neither is acceptable, but if either scenario were to happen, I have no idea what I would do. I would likely fall to pieces.
My wife and I jokingly tell each other that we have to be married and alive until we both hit the 100 year old mark. Should we hit that mark, then we’ll negotiate. Obviously, we have no way of knowing what will happen in the future, but it comforts me a great deal to know that she wants to be with me so deeply. I honestly can’t think of my life without her, so this latest scare has me worrying about something that is difficult to fathom.
I’ve told my wife plenty of times “I don’t want my life to be dramatic. I don’t like the idea of being a widower or a single dad. Sure, the pity sex might be fun, but that’ll get old really quick.” Of course it’s said tongue in cheek, but I really do just want a nice, boring life. Be married to my wife, have kids, raise them to be good people, watch them grow up and move on with their lives, raising their own kids. This is probably the only real dream I have. It’s simple, it’s comfortable, and it’s important to me that it happens. All these things happening with the baby, with my wife, it has caused me no end of stress. I’m pretty sure it caused me to be ill this past week, and will probably age me more than I’ve aged in the last decade.
It will all be worth it once the child is born, and we’re all home again as a happy family. It’s a cliché, but the only thing I hope for now is a healthy child, a healthy wife, and for them both to be able to come home. I’m grateful for all the reassurances that I’ve been getting from friends and family, as it keeps me from bouncing too much off the walls, but until they’re both home, it’s hard to really let that worry go. The time is coming soon though. We’ve only got a little over a month left until the due date, so hopefully soon, I will be writing about my misadventures in taking care of Tiny Tien, instead of worrying whether or not everything will end up alright.